As interesting as it can be, some of us know how to communicate effectively in English language or French language. As a matter of fact, some countries in the world consider English language or French language as their official Lingua Franca, which shows the importance of language to effective communication.
But not many has come to the realization that LOVE has its own language(s) as the case may be, and if you cannot communicate effectively with the love language(s), there is a tendency that your relationship will be next in line for a breakup. I’m not trying to prophesy doom here but only stating the truth of the matter.
I am quick to clear the notion that relationship is not just between a male and a female, most of the time when I am talking about a relationship, understand that I am equally talking about friendship, relationship between siblings, among co-workers etc. and not just intimate relationships. So what I will be sharing with you can be applied in any relationship.
Having said that, by love language, I am actually talking about the ways people interpret WHAT love IS. You will agree with me that for two people to understand themselves and have an effective communication, there mustn’t be a barrier in communication, and you must come to the level of the other person where there will be a mutual understanding so as to have a better communication.
The way people interpret love or perceive love differs, you might be thinking you are showing love to Mr. A but he or she is not seeing it that way, in fact, he or she might even interpret is as being “hard on them”. And you find yourself in a dilemma, thinking aloud “this person doesn’t appreciate me” it is not exactly true; you just only fail to understand what he or she interprets as love.
For instance, Juliet got married to Chris, they have been married for over five years, and everyone thought it has been a happy marriage life. Juliet being a lawyer decided to obey the husband’s demand that she should stop working and focus more on the home, she saw the sense in it as she is welcoming her second child and agreed to the decision. Her husband works round the clock to make sure she never lack anything money can buy. She pays for her vacations outside the country, buys her different cars, gives her anything and everything money can possibly buy.
He felt he has been a great husband.
During dinner one evening, Juliet decided to express herself to her husband, the first word that came out of her mouth was
“Baby, you don’t love me” that came as an unexpected shocker.
Chris was like
“What do you mean? I literally work each day to give you the best life can offer, our children attends the best school in the state, you have different shades of cars, money is never an issue as your weekly allowance is half a million naira, baby what else do you want? You are sure an ingrate ”
With tears in Juliet’s eyes, she told Chris
“Yes! You gave me the best things money can ever buy, but baby, that is not what I want, you hardly have time for me, no time to have that quality time with you, I want your undivided attention, money is not what I got married to but you. Give me you”.
Chris was literally dumbfounded and disappointed at his wife, for he thought that he was showing love to his wife by giving her everything and anything, not knowing that what defines love to the lady is his “Undivided attention” she wants to have quality time with the husband.
Understanding the various ways possible that your spouse or partner or even friends can interpret love is very important to strengthen that relationship. Because you will literally know what he or she needs and how to give it to them.
Below are five possible ways that people demonstrate love or interpret that you love them.
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
Words of affirmation, which can also be said to be, words of compliment or appreciation. Weeks back, I had a chat with my elder sister, she was glad to chat me up, that morning she said “you have really improved on your article writing, I am seeing the good work you are doing, and even my husband said he will tell you about it. Keep it up”.
On hearing those words, I was literally encouraged and I felt really loved.
As a man, have you found yourself in a situation where your spouse kept asking you “do you love me?” what she needed to hear is you affirming that you love her and that is it for her. This is actually some people’s love language, Or maybe as a boss of a company, you have a staff whose love language is words of compliment or appreciation. Until you give it to them you might not get their utmost productivity. Sometimes the little “Thank you” is all that some persons needs from you to communicate love to them.
Just like the scenario given above, it was clear that what Juliet needed was quality time and not money. Sometimes your undivided attention is what some persons need. They need your listening ears and not your money. Imagine watching a television program and your spouse enters the house, and you mute the program just to focus on her and ask her how her day has been so far. You have indirectly told her how valuable she is and if that is her love language, you have communicated correctly. So spend quality time.
I could remember sharing this with a friend, he quickly said, ladies are too materialistic. It is not peculiar to just that my friend. Many have term people that understand the language of receiving a gift as “materialistic”, but seriously that is not completely correct.
For some people, until you buy them a gift you have not demonstrated love to them, they translate love to be a gift. The amazing thing about this set of people is that it is never about the gift, but the heart of the gift, the thought of even considering buying them the gift is the joy. And the gift doesn’t necessarily have to be expensive or extravagant, but it has to be meaningful. In case you have tried quality time, words of affirmation, don’t give up yet, try gifts.
ACT OF SERVICE
Another set of people are the people that define love based on the services you render to them. Imagine for once as a husband you assist your wife with chores in the house, maybe helping in the kitchen, bathing the kids etc. sincerely, if that is her language of love, she would really conclude that you love her. Assisting them in doing something defines love for them. They are the option that, love is an action word and should be ACTED, not SPOKEN.
NONSEXUAL TOUCH (PHYSICAL TOUCH)
I call this nonsexual touch. This has proven to be a great means of communication. A sincere hug or holding of hands is what some set of persons need. They need you to hold them close to yourself and say it’s okay, it must not necessarily have to involve sexual touch, especially when you are not married. Just a sincere touch with a clean heart.
Remember, that just because your partner or friends favour a particular love language doesn’t mean that you should stop expressing the other love languages. If your partner loves words of affirmation, for instance, it doesn’t mean you won’t spend quality time with them. In fact for some persons, they have the combination of all the love languages. So show love and communicate rightly in your relationship.
written by contibutor